


in vino veritas

by Eppie (eppiewrites)



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, F/F, Phone Sex, and Kirigiri works a lot and Celes gets bored and horny and drinks a lot, some weird AU where Kirigiri and Celes live together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 21:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eppiewrites/pseuds/Eppie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your lips don’t taste like cyanide, strychnine, nor arsenic, but red wine, correct?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	in vino veritas

Kirigiri Kyouko works late sometimes.

That never stops Celestia Ludenberg from giving her a call.

The time is almost midnight and Kirigiri decides to finish some paper work before going home. She sits quietly at her office desk, kept company by only a lukewarm cup of coffee and the blaring light of her desk lamp. The calming silence is broken by the sudden ringing of her office phone

_Ring! Ring! Ring-_

"Kirigiri Kyouko, Private Investigator." Kirigiri drones into the phone reflexively, sitting up in her rolling office chair.

"Ah, Kirigiri-san! How are you this evening?" A light voice crackles from behind the speaker.

"Celes-san."

"My, my, you are always so very observant, aren’t you?" Celestia leans back in her sofa at home, twirling a strand of ebony hair with her free hand. "I’m always in awe of how aware you can be."

"Is there something you need?"

"Nothing in particular, it’s always nice to have bit of company on lonely nights like this. Wouldn’t you agree?"

"I’m at work, though."

"I highly doubt you are working on anything of dire importance."

Kirigiri glances at her paperwork. Celes has a point, she doesn’t need to finish anything immediately.

"What would you like to talk about?" Kirigiri asks.

"I have question for you, Kirigiri-san."

"Okay."

"Explain the process of examining a crime scene, I’m curious about your line of work."

Kirigiri raises an eyebrow, surprised that Celestia would want to know such a thing.

"First, I get a call and I report to the scene of the crime," She begins hesitantly. "I then check the condition of the victims."

"Deceased?"

"Sometimes."

"What does that entail?"

"I- check the bodies for any important evidence." Kirigiri says, still perplexed by Celestia’s curiosity.

There is a huff on the other end.

"Details, Kirigiri. There’s no need to be so vague."

"Like I said, I check the bodies for any evidence. I’m not sure how much more detail I can give you."

"How do you check the bodies?" Celestia sighs on the other end, Kirigiri could be so difficult sometimes.

"I- touch them?" Kirigiri furrows her eyebrows, resting her chin against her knuckles. "I check their pockets for anything that might help the case. I also examine their wounds to indicate how the crime happened."

"I see," There is a pause on Celestia’s end before she continues. "Do you- check under their clothes?"

"Yes?" Kirigiri replies, "That’s mostly the medical examiner’s job though. If you want, I could redirect you-"

"That won’t be necessary," Celes cuts through quickly. She takes a long breath, closing her eyes before continuing. "I would rather hear from your perspective, anyway."

If Kirigiri wasn’t already incredibly puzzled, she would have been flattered by Celes’ words.

"My perspective?"

"Yes."

"All I really do is pat them down to check of there are any clues on them. The medical examiner does the rest."

Another huff on the end.

"Honestly, Kirigiri-san. For a detective, you can be so clueless sometimes." Celestia sighs, leaning back in her seat. She takes a long sip from her glass of red wine, she figures she’s going to need it.

"I’m sorry?" The lavender-haired girl replies, even more confused than before. Why did Celestia call her about something like this in the first place?

"Fucks sake, Kirigiri-san. Why else would I call you this late at night and ask you about examining bodies. Use that talent of yours, put those clues together before I get too drunk to speak coherently."

The detective takes a second to think, maybe more than a second. She takes the gambler’s words and plays with them in her head. She picks them apart and thinks back to the rest of their conversation. How odd it all was from the beginning. And Celes was drinking, she is- drinking-

“ _Jesus_ , Celes-san! Really? While I’m at work?” Kirigiri presses her fingertips to her lips, her face flushing as a small smile pushes its way up the corners of her mouth. “That’s-that’s so-

"Hot? Sexy? Naughty?  _Risqué_?” The lolita smirks against the receiver, “Whatever it is, I’m glad you finally put two and two together, Kirigiri-san.”

"I-"

"Now that things are a bit clearer. I suppose I should cut straight to the chase then?" Celes continues, swirling the wine elegantly in her glass, her eyes lazy and unfocused. "Suppose for some horrible reason, I end up dead. You’re called in on the scene. A real shame, such a beautiful young lady was killed, you think to yourself. Ah- and it seems, for some odd reason, the rest of the investigation team has left the room. And here you are alone, with such a gorgeous young woman. What do you-"

"Celes-san-" Kirigiri interrupts, her grip on the phone tightening nervously.

"What do you do?" She repeats, her voice pressing. "What do you do to me?"

The detective was never very creative. Making up things on the spot was something she did horribly. But she can’t waste this opportunity, not with Celestia. She sucks in a deep breath and finishes the rest of her coffee.  
"I shake my head at such a heinous crime. It really is a pity, I think to myself. Then, I kneel down and begin to slowly investigate your body."

"Where do you begin?" The gambler asks, her voice noticeably lower. Her hand stills and the wine stops swishing.

"The cause of death: poisoning. I gently part your lips- just slightly. But- ah, Celes-san, your lips are still quite red and beautiful and I can’t seem to help myself. I kiss you. That’s how I find out you didn’t ingest the poison. Your lips don’t taste like cyanide, strychnine, nor arsenic, but red wine, correct?"

"Indeed. How observant of you." The gambler sighs, setting her glass down and running her free hand along her neck, fingernails grazing against her smooth skin.

"That leaves me with three other options. Since there only four possible ways one can be poisoned. Next, I check for any noticeable rashes, bites, or cuts. Though, it seems that is a bit problematic."

"And why is that?" Celes closes her eyes.

"It’s problematic because I cannot give a thorough examination," The detective smirks. "Not with all of those clothes on you."

"Yes," She draws out the end of the confirmation, a slow hiss. "That does make things a bit more difficult. Though, I expect someone as intelligent as yourself can figure something out."

Kirigiri feels herself blush harshly. She moves the phone to her other ear.

"I see. It seems these clothes will just have to go. I take off your tie first. I pull back your collar and my lips press against your soft skin. There are no rashes or bite marks around this area. Well, I should say- there _were_  no bite marks there.”

"Ah- oh my," Celestia giggles, her free hand wandering slowly down to her chest. "How naughty of you, Kirigiri-san."

"I then proceed to unbutton your blouse and remove it. I examine your upper body thoroughly for any entry wounds explaining your poisoning. However, I cannot find any. Your body is not wounded. Though, I can’t help but double check with my lips," The detective continues, smirking her half-smile as she runs her fingers through a strand of hair. "Continuing my examination, I remove your shoes, then your stockings, then finally, your skirt. Once again, I fail to find any marks on you. This leaves me with no other options but to remove your remaining clothing articles."

"Ah-" The gambler’s hand moves down further. "Oh my god, Kirigiri-san-"

"There are no wounds on the rest of your body," Kirigiri finishes flatly. "This narrows down the cause of your poisoning to inhalation; poisoned gas. More specifically, ammonia gas. You had inhaled it and collapsed on the ground in a struggle for oxygen. The rest of your body had shut down quickly afterward."

Celestia rolls her eyes. Kirigiri can always get so caught up in the detail of things, even in her fantasies. It made sense considering her talent. For the most part, Celestia found it rather charming.

"Like I stated before, it really is such a shame for such a lovely young lady. I’m certain that if you were alive you would appreciate such a moment." The lavender girl continues.

"Hah- you flatter me-" The gambler’s breath shakes against the phone, her hand has reached its destination. Her breathing becomes irregular as waves of pleasure surge up her body, she shivers. "Now what? It certainly doesn’t end there, does it?"

Kirigiri pauses and notices the shift in Celes’ tone, she smiles to herself. “Of course not. You see, your body was completely unscathed, which is completely unnatural for any normal deceased person. Not to mention, ammonia poisoning swells the body. This draws me to the conclusion that you are in fact, not dead at all, Celes-san. Rather, the poisoning was just a cover-up-“

"I’ve caught you off guard, Kirigiri-san." Celes counters, smiling, she’s ready for her role.

"It seems so." The detective replies, biting her lip.

"For a moment, I wasn’t sure if you would figure it out. But you always manage to impress me, detective."

"I had you figured out from the moment I saw your body-"

"Always a step ahead, detective. But not this time, unfortunately. You see- I have you right where I want you."

"Ah- I see," Kirigiri slips her hand up her skirt. "A trap."

"How perceptive you are. But how perceptive will you be when I grab that fucking tie of yours and pull into such a deep kiss that your lips bruise-" The gambler mutters low and darkly, her head cranes back as her death-grip tightens around the phone.

"Will you now?"

"I pin you to the floor and rip open your shirt and my teeth find that precious neck of yours. I bite right down into it. Do you feel it-?"

"Ah- maybe a bit."

"I’ll make you- get on your knees for me, maybe- I’ll do the same for you if you’re good."

"I-I’d like that-"

"Of course you would, detective."

"You know me well, Celes-san." The detective sighs, closing her eyes to get the perfect visualization.

The gambler pauses before speaking again.

"You should know better than to play with the dead. It really is- an invasion of privacy-"

"I am aware. But certain formalities have to be ruined- ruined for the sake of-"

"Justice. I know."

"Ah-"

"Kirigiri-san, come," The lolita giggles at her words. "Come  _home_ , I mean. I’m really fucking horny and I miss you.”

"I will, Celes-san. My shift ended a while ago."

"Don’t keep me waiting, love~"

"I won’t. See you soon." The detective hangs up the phone and files her paperwork neatly away in her folder. She puts on her jacket and checks her watch; nearly midnight. She’s used to the late hours of the night eating away at her. But tonight she has something to look forward to.

Smiling, she flicks off the light in her office as she leaves, locking the door behind her.


End file.
